Like most people, especially in your teen years, you have probably at one time or another experienced self doubt. I am not talking about the kind of self doubt where you say something to the effect of, "I need to find myself and then maybe life will get better..." I am talking about the kind of self doubt where you feel like you can't do ANYTHING right. Where EVERYTHING you do feels like its completely and totally wrong. This is what I call feeling like a looser. I think that's a better term then self doubt, don't you? :)
Recently, I have been questioning some things. Am I doing what God wants me to? Should I do this? Or should I do that? What does God want me to do about working, about school, about.. you fill in the blank. We've all been there. Don't worry, its not an uncommon place to be. Its just not the right place to be.
A few days ago I decided to start reading II Corinthians as my Bible reading. I had recently finished reading I Cor. but took a break to read the first couple of chapters of Luke as it was nearing Christmas. So, after Christmas I read the first chapter II Corinthians. As I writing in my journal about my thoughts on one of the verses, what I was writing sounded vaugly familiar. I thought to myself, you probably just read this and thought the same thing years ago. So, I didn't think anymore of it till today. I read the first 5 verses of chapter two and realized what I had done. I had begun reading I Corinthians again instead of read the 2nd. I laughed at myself, but something about those first five verses caught my eye. I read them again and this is what they said;
I Corinthians 2:1-5
"And I, brethern, when I came to you did not come with excellence of speech, or of wisdom declaring to ou the testimony of God.
For I determined not to know anything among you except Jesus Christ and Him crucified.
I was with you in weakness, in fear, and in much trembling.
And my speech and my preaching were not with persuasive words of human wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power,
that your faith should not be in the wisdom of men but in the power of God."
From what I can tell from what this passage says, it sounds like Paul wasn't a very good public speaker. It also sounds like when he came to preach that he was nervous, with, which comes nervousness, comes a lack a self confidence.
Have you ever gotten in front of a bunch of people maybe at a recital or to make a speech and your knees shake, your throat feels dry and your heart is pounding. And all you want to do is just get off that stage? Paul felt that too.
But what else does the scripture tell us? THAT GOD USED PAUL. God used Paul's lack of confidence and his lack of eloquent speech. How? So that people would come to trust in God, not because of Paul's "persuading" them, but that through Paul's weakness they might see God's strengths. Why? So that they would not put their salvation in men, but in God.
What's my point in all of this? My point is, no matter how small or insignicant you feel, nor how much of a looser you think you are, remember this. First remember, you are a sinner. (Don't click off, I never said I was motivational speaker. :p) Without Christ, you have no good in you. BUT if you have been saved and born again, you are a child of God. That is where you find your worth. You are a knight of the King of Kings, and that's worth more then anything earthly that will give you confidence. Have your confidence in Him, not yourself. You can never give yourself the kind of security that you are looking for. The only true peace, the only true security comes from God.
Ir your a child of God, God will use you to further His kingdom. He will use your talents and gifts and your weaknesses. He won't just use a part of you, He's gonna use all of you.
So remember, God does use the little guys. :)
